What do I want? I want a lot of things. What do I really need? Not much.
A healthy balance between wants and needs is good. It is best if needs and wants are close together.
If I adjust my wants and needs, the energy changes immediately. Change happens and happens fast. For good or for bad. Even intent in us changes the energy dynamics.
I may have free choice but the universe together with the energy determines the outcome. I do not always get what I want. I may have free choice but I am bound by the consequences of that choice. I may not agree with the outcome but I always deserve what I get.
Everything is not in terms of me. The energy weighs all the permutations and effect of my choice. Many dominoes will change position at every push and push back. The energy is a kind of unseen moderator.
Since the energy existed it existed hand in hand with realization. Things can be good or it can be bad in the extreme.
What do I want? Depends on my realization of how things are. How life is. The energy fires up my realizations. When I am ready I will get the energy for the realization.
Presently this is what I have realized. I think I want to choose something that suites me, my nature and character and just do that. I do no want to care what people think of me. It does not matter that I am not the best at what I do. I also do not want to be pressured by other people’s expectations of me. I just want to be myself whatever that may be.
What do I need? I need to fix what is broken inside of myself. I think the capacity to love myself and others meets a deep need. Love is a need not a want.
Wants and need is a kind of training. It exists so that I can learn from the experiences. This is why I am here as a human. I am here to learn. It has been a frustratingly confusing and painful learning experience but it is probably good for me.
I will probably never get there. Letting go is difficult. But when I look inside myself in meditation, I see that the real me has no needs and no wants. There is also no past (baggage) and future (worries). In a way the real me is very stable. The energy is stable and balanced. There is minimal push and push back. There is harmony.