I always find myself constantly under pressure to live up to other people’s expectations. It is a constant struggle.

I get upset and worked up when someone tries to control me or when I think I am being manipulated. I react badly. I used to play this game that everyone plays. It is all smoke and mirrors. I became like everyone else and became manipulative and conniving. Push and push back. Tai chi.

My life is my doing. I need to make better choices. Be self aware.

I do not intend to dance to anybody’s  fiddle. I do what I think is right. I do what I think is best for myself. Best to just be myself. No agendas. Watch my intent and no games. Go back to simplicity. Be more direct and real, honest.

I know for myself what is right and wrong. What I need. If its feels wrong then most likely it is wrong. If the logic does not make sense and I do not understand it then it is probably stupid. Do not follow like a lemming.

I suspect we have been brain washed by culture, tradition, school, governments, peers.  I conform and by doing so I loose myself in the process.

I do not need anybody’s approval. No pressure. I try not to care what people think of me. I am secure in myself. I have my own brain and I intend to use it wisely.

Everybody has their own thinking. That is fine. I will trust in myself and listen to myself. It is the best way.

I need to be able to be a better communicator. Try and resolve problems. Lay down my cards. Have some respect for people I do not like or agree with. But you know what, in the end there can come a time when things really do not work.  In that case I have to walk away. It does not matter who you are or what the thing is. If I can pick it up then I can also put it down and let it go. Gone with the wind. Be kind to myself.


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